‘If you are not pregnant before 35 you will be in trouble’ This was the typical conversation in my 30’s with friends and family. It scared the hell out of me as I did not feel ready for a baby, much less I knew somebody who could be my partner in this great adventure.
I remember those times every time I talk to a friend who is in her 30’s and has the same feeling of ‘My time is over’. I thought about it too, so many times, despite I was having a great time on my own. I wish I knew that life brings all the things we need at the right time (sometimes later that sooner), so I wouldn’t have waisted my time suffering about it.
I became a mum for the first time at 36 years old. Looking back I can see how perfect this age was for me to start motherhood. What was I doing before? What I needed to do to not regret for a single moment all the physical and emotional sacrifices that you have to make when another life depends on you. I had a great job, I traveled, I partied, I left home whenever I wanted, to wherever I wanted and with whoever I wanted. I returned home. I left again. I wanted to save the world, or at least my country, or maybe a couple of lives. I was devoted to help the refugees, I loved my life.
I am glad I waited. I am glad that eventually I found the right partner to have my kids. I am glad that I can stay at home if I have to, cooking, cleaning and playing animal games without the smallest remorse of missing something out there. I guess what I needed to do was to keep this little desire of being a mum in the back of my heart to make it happen. And it happened.
Now life presents itself in different colours, because it is colourful and fantastic. Being a mum keeps you busy, it absorbs your love, your time and your strength. It makes you vulnerable, as the only thing that matters is how you are going to protect this little creatures. But at the same time it gives you a feeling of happiness that can fill out the emptiest of hearts and this is a wonderful mix of feelings.
Life goes on, now instead of me and my partner walking the path of life there are four people in this team. New projects are also on their way, projects that are parallel lives and are necessary to complete ourselves in the other roles we have chosen to live. But at 39 weeks pregnant I must take a break, to breath, to enjoy, to love.