I feel nostalgic just to think about how many good friends have disappeared from my life. The circumstances in which we met have changed, I say to myself. But a bitter feeling comes to my heart while I realise that my excuse cannot justify the fact that I did nothing to stop our friendship from vanishing. I know I could have done more. I could have call, or visit, or write, but I didn’t. Life kept me busy and what is worse, life is still keeping me busy, or at least that is what I keep saying to my self.
And everything started with an illusional fight for independence. When I was younger, I felt that I had to please my friends with everything. I cannot recall how many times I spent my salary buying something I hated following their advice, or went to a thousand parties I didn’t want to go, and oh Lord, how many times did I go out with their boyfriend’s best friend, that guy who I didn’t have feelings for, so we could dream that we shared the same taste in life and love.
But as I got older I started to include the word ‘no’ in my vocabulary. After years of practicing this little word I ended up on the other extreme. Do you want to go out today? No! Do you want to watch this movie? No! Do you want to celebrate you birthday at my place? No! No! No! At the end I finished wandering what happened to those friends that were supposed to be next to me for better or worse, without even realising that it was me who scared them off!
Luckily, I still have good friends next to me and I don’t want to be indifferent to them anymore. To all my friends, the past, the present and the future ones, I can promise that I will go out to see you even if it is raining and cold, I will have you for dinner at home, I will listen without interrupting and I will be there for better or worse. You will have my back, and I’ll have yours.